Parents and Teachers
Building Character
Developing Virtues
Teaching Children Gratefulness
We teach our children to say “Thank You,” to write messages of appreciation when they receive gifts, and to express gratitude toward their teachers by kindnesses throughout the school year. Gratefulness is demonstrated by these actions. But gratefulness is also a state of being. Learning this “attitude of gratitude” can be an exciting adventure. It may be a journey of a lifetime, but many steps can be taken in childhood.
Say What You Appreciate
For instance, smelling the turkey and pumpkin pie cooking naturally bring us a feeling of thankfulness. So while the Thanksgiving dinner (or any dinner is being prepared), we can take a minute or two to breathe deeply and savor the moment, and within earshot of the children, express our genuine gratefulness for the upcoming meal…and for the chef! Then, when the family gathers around the table and says a prayer or makes a toast; your child will remember your earlier appreciative expression. He or she will connect the feeling state you expressed before the meal with the action of thankfulness at mealtime. This kind of reinforcement helps children to more fully tap into their own feelings of gratitude.
Guide Children to Express Their Thanks Often
In our hectic, busy days it is so easy to move quickly from one activity to another without much thought. Stopping to direct children to express their thanks means first a willingness to slow down. For example, when we are out shopping with our child, we may have bought her new clothes or his much-wanted toy and we now focused on what we need to buy at the grocery store, our next and last stop before going home. We are moving forward and haven’t noticed that our child has not said, “Thank You” to us for the purchases. In such an instance, it would be a wise parent who takes 20 minutes for a snack break to talk with the youngster about what he or she appreciates about the new items before moving on to the next activity. When we ourselves take time and allow a slower pace, we can encourage our children to express thanksgiving. Children feel what they express…and they may not feel grateful until they express it!
Encourage Time-In
We are familiar with the term, time-out. It has negative connotations for kids because it means they are taken from the family interaction and sequestered by themselves for their misbehavior. Also, in our age of screen technology, often kids fill in “boring times” with screen time. Neither of these practices help children enjoy developing an interior life. You can bring back the satisfaction of self-discovery by encouraging time-in—that is special time for your child to just sit and think on a selected topic, for time-inside his/her own mind. Ask your child or teen on a regular basis to take five minutes and just sit and reflect on all the things he or she is grateful for. Talk about it afterwards. And watch his or her spirit of gratefulness expand and encompass a larger, more compassionate view of self and the world!
Gloria DeGaetano is the founder of The Parent Coaching Institute and CEO of ParentCoachInternational.com. She is the author of numerous articles for parents and several books, including Parenting Well in a Media Age.
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Updated on 5.22.12