Parents and Teachers

Building Character

Developing Virtues

The Art of Kindness: Teaching Children to Care

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Caring is our ability to recognize and respond to the needs and suffering of others. An important part of our internal compass, it includes the ways we show compassion, empathy and kindness to the people in our lives.

Human kindness peaks during the holidays. It’s a time to understand how gift giving shapes children’s values and also an opportunity to nurture the development of kindness, a virtue that increases our well-being.

Parents and teachers show a lot of kindness to kids during the holidays. We purchase gifts, bake special treats, and work extra hard to make children feel a part of their unique cultures and faiths.

Do our acts of kindness on behalf of children make us happier parents and educators? Of course they do.

In fact, studies show that we feel better about ourselves when we practice the art of kindness—toward our children, students, families, friends, and communities. Not only do good deeds make us feel better, but as David Brooks explained in the New York Times article Nice Guys Finish First, people who are kind and compassionate are often the most successful.

 

The Kindness Dilemma

While the art of kindness should be pretty straightforward to learn, it’s a bit more complex than meets the eye.

We don’t make children happy when we simply enable them to be receivers of kindness. We escalate their feelings of happiness, improve their well-being, reduce bullying, and enrich their friendships by teaching them to be givers of kindness.

Children are born to be givers. But by fourth grade, research shows they are socialized to think more about themselves than others.

How do we reverse this trend and create long-lasting habits of kindness?

A research study, Kindness Counts, from the University of British Columbia and the University of California, Riverside, showed the benefits derived by tweens when they were taught strategies to increase their happiness through acts of kindness.

For 30 days, several hundred 9 to 11-year-old children performed and recorded three acts of kindness each week for anyone they chose. Another several hundred kept weekly track of three pleasant places they visited.

Not surprisingly, results compared favorably with adult studies. When kids performed acts of kindness or took notice of the pleasant places they visited, their happiness quotient increased.

But those who performed acts of kindness received an extra boost. The study showed they gained an average of 1.5 friends during the month-long period—good support for the idea that “nice guys finish first.”

Like other studies, this research showed that being kind to other people benefits the giver. For children, it nurtures their well-being and increases their popularity with peers.

When children learn to be caring and kind, they also benefit developmentally. Well-liked children display more positive, less bullying behaviors when they become teenagers. Happier kids are more likely to show higher academic achievement. Being kind makes you feel good about yourself and improves your outlook on life.

 

Teaching Kids the Art of Kindness

Applying the Kindness Counts study in your home or classroom is easy. The goal is to help kids become more aware of doing acts of kindness and of their feelings of gratitude when they experience pleasant activities.

Follow these four steps to help enable children to be givers of kindness! Whether it is holiday-time, or anytime, your efforts will be greatly rewarded.
 

1. Understand the Importance of Kindness

Learn about the benefits of giving for children and adults. The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation website is a terrific place to start. They have classroom and home activities for all children of all ages.
 

2. Create a Kindness Project

Devise an activity where your family or classroom records ONE act of kindness or ONE pleasant activity per day. You might call it your “Kindness Project” or “Happiness Diary.” These activities could include helping with dishes, letting someone else go first, taking care of an animal, going out of way for a friend, hugging someone to make them feel better, etc. Or they might include visits to places and experiences that make us feel good, like visiting a favorite park or a grandparent’s house.
 

3. Take Time to Share

On a regular weekly basis, take time to share as a family or classroom.  Rather than sharing everything in your diary, share the highlights of your week. Share enough so that everyone learns from each other’s acts of kindness and begins to understand the types of experiences that bring gratitude to life. Sharing encourages self-reflection and helps bring meaning to our actions.
 

4. Practice, Practice, Practice

It may not be practical to keep up a routine where you are sharing from a diary on a regular basis. But once children get into the habit, it’s easy to share from time to time. The holidays provide a great opportunity to reignite conversations about kindness and caring. Reinforcement of the kindness habit comes with practice on a regular basis.

How do you help your children or students learn the art of kindness? Please share your ideas so others can benefit from your experience.


Brilliant Star invites you to share your comments on Dr. Price-Mitchell’s blog, on our Facebook page, and in our Facebook group, the Brilliant Star Idea Exchange.

 

Marilyn Price-Mitchell, Ph.D., is a developmental psychologist. Visit her blog at Roots of Action, where she brings evidence-based research in positive youth development to parents, educators, and youth-focused nonprofits. Follow her on Twitter; Facebook.

Updated on 1.10.14