5 Questions to Ask Your Child Besides “How Was Your Day?”

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Ask some of your adult friends “How was your day?” and you can expect a range of responses from a short and emphatic “Great!” to a 20-minute retelling of the traffic jam on Main Street. Ask this question to a school-aged child after 3:00 p.m. and you’re much more likely to get a short “Good” or “Okay” response.

While it may be challenging for younger children to find the words to express themselves, anyone who has been to a middle school cafeteria knows that there’s plenty of material stored up for conversation.

But how do we get responses with even a spark of the enthusiasm that they share with their peers?

The good news is that asking your children any question is an excellent start. In the book Just Tell Me What to Say, author and psychologist Betsy Brown Braun declares that “small talk is big talk.” Creating a habit of asking questions early on lets children know that there is an open channel of communication, improves their self-esteem, and gives parents a vital look into the child’s values and desires.

With confidence that simply providing opportunities to talk is starting out on the right foot, parents can take a closer look at the content of their conversations. Since “How is your day?” often elicits vague and uninspired responses, try approaching your preteen with one of these questions instead:

“What’s something new you learned in                class today?”

Fill in the blank with any subject. This question shows that you’re aware of your child’s school schedule and interested in their learning. It also helps children to focus on one segment of the day instead of trying to remember everything that happened and pick something that might be of interest.

“Which friends did you spend time with today?”

Middle-schoolers are especially influenced by social relationships. Having and being a friend improves their self-worth and emotional stability. Asking your child whom she or he spends time with naturally provides you an eye into their daily interactions with peers. It’s also a chance to get to know your child’s friends by name and learn more about them.

“What’s one thing you wish you could change about today?”

Here you present an opportunity for your middle-schooler to discuss their struggles or learnings, or simply use their imagination. This question is ideal for adolescents, since it taps into their bigger picture thinking skills and provides a space for reflection.

“If today were an animal, which one would it be?”

This question may seem a bit silly, and that’s because it is! A child may respond the first time with a “Huh?” and a “My parent is so weird!” face, but small talk doesn’t have to be serious. Questions that use metaphors, humor, or unusual requests can bring out the creativity in your child, and even better, a bit of laughter from both of you.

“What are you grateful for today?”

Of course, this question needs to be preceded by teaching your child about gratefulness. I’ve found it best to set aside a time for such discussions that’s not shortly after a child has come from a full day of classes. Also, it’s important not to be too critical of the responses a child gives, even if they may seem a bit material at first. Besides tapping into the virtuous nature of each child, it can help children’s overall sense of happiness to focus on positive events in their daily lives.

As you use these and other questions to engage in more meaningful conversations, it’s helpful to model answering them with your children. You may find that not only are you having longer and more revealing conversations with your child, he or she is naturally starting to ask you more thoughtful questions as well.

 

Andrea Hope is an award-winning performance poet who has led artistic workshops for children and youth around the world, from the rural mountains of Lesotho to the inner city of Washington, D.C. She has published a spoken world album as well as a poetry activity book for elementary school students and their caregivers. 

 

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Updated on 8.02.17