Cultivating Empathy in the Cafeteria

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The bell rings, students line up, and in a few moments the most chaotic part of the day begins—lunch. Food begins to be dished out, and some students are eager to see their friends, while others cannot bear the thought of what is about to ensue. Anxiety builds for many as they assume that today will be just like any other day, in which they are quietly tucked away, alone in a corner accompanied only by their lunch. Press repeat and this happens every day, all over the country—amongst both children and adults.

But at Bridport Elementary, Principal Kilbourne implemented a system to resolve this classic scene of loneliness and forge new friendships.

There’s hardly room for the question, “Will you save me a seat?” at Bridport Elementary, where students are ushered to assigned tables and given the opportunity to open their hearts and minds to a new friend. Principal Kilbourne had observed too many days in which the same kids were left out, while the others were constantly accompanied by friends. Something had to change.

The school rolled out a new system in which students line up to pick a numbered stick out of a bucket before they get their food. Each stick has a number that corresponds with a table, indicating where they will eat their lunch for the day.

This system was implemented less than five months ago. Today, if you strolled into the cafeteria you wouldn’t find any numbers or any sticks. Principal Kilbourne made a promise to the students that the system will eventually fade out if she saw that students learned to value inclusivity and empathy.

Principal Kilbourne really witnessed a change a few months in. “A girl was walking around by herself with her lunch in her hand, looking for a place to sit, and four tables asked her to join them. At another table, a kindergartener was sitting alone for just a few moments before two sixth graders came over to sit with him, sparking two others to join and actively include him in conversation,” she observed.

As students at Bridport Elementary school move forward forging deeper, more empathetic understanding of one another, we are left wondering: how can lessons learned from the cafeteria be applied elsewhere? Students and adults all over the country could benefit from an approach in which every person is always welcome at the table in any situation. Imagine what it will look like when Bridport Elementary alumni attend social events as adults, where they see someone sitting by his or herself, without anyone to interact with? Will they join their friends in an exclusive conversation, or will they open their arms and hearts to others and create an inclusive environment?

Here are a few tips and mindsets that helped Bridport Elementary School cultivate empathy:

• The key is time: in the beginning and throughout the year. Take the first six weeks to just teach social emotional skills. This will allow you to be proactive versus reactive through the remainder of the year.

• Everything has to happen in the moment, when the opportunity presents itself. Grab it and run with it. If a lesson is interrupted by a teachable moment, stop and use that to learn and teach something new to your students. Think aloud with your students, using sentence stems like, “I wonder…What do you think?…Tell me more about that…I’m here to help, what do you need?”

• You will see academic outcomes increase only when students feel safe enough to take academic risks. Model for students what it looks and sounds like to be respectful. Modeling needs to be explicit. Provide language that helps the child realize their actions and feelings and those of others. Celebrate learning consistently and encourage parents to join.

• Pick a curriculum that works for your students and educators to cultivate empathy, like Responsive Classroom or MindUp. This will help your students and educators to redirect questions and help drive their language to be intentional with kids.

• Build trust with your families. Create a volunteer manual that includes the talents and gifts of the adults in your school community. This emphasizes for everyone that they are important and able to help. Encourage teachers and parents to use this manual so that they can call on others to help and learn from one another. This creates adult models for kids: everyone has a gift and talent that all can learn from.

 

Sandra Hinderliter works with Ashoka’s Changemaker Schools, a national community of leading elementary schools that serve as models for cultivating students as changemakers, paving the way to ensuring every child develops agency, empathy, and voice. She grew up internationally (her father is from Chicago, mother is from Mexico, she was born in Brazil, and they moved often!) in a very social-justice oriented household. Sandra is passionate about working to help all students and families have access to meaningful educational and life opportunities.

 

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Updated on 6.25.14